Good Fortune
photo by bookgrl
Happy Monday, kittens! Hope you’re all feeling at least a little bit well-rested and chipper. Things started off a little rough around the edges for me, but I’m 1/3 of the way into a pumpkin spice latte now so they are looking up up up!
Here’s a question for you: what’s the goofiest fortune you’ve ever had? In a fortune cookie, or from a horoscope or psychic reading or other portent purveyor. I don’t remember the exact wording, but I once had a fortune cookie tell me, basically, that I have a big mouth which gets me in trouble. Thanks for the tip, cookie!
I forget the exact wording but a fortune cookie told me I was fat once.
Well really it implied I should exercise and work out more.
But the damage was done D:
i once got a fortune cookie that said “promote literacy. buy a box of fortune cookies today.”
Oooooh – I once got a fortune from one of those old arcade psychic machines – like the one in “Big” with Tom Hanks – it told me “Beware of men with beards”….sound advice I am sure!!!
My sister got a fortune cookie once that said (no joke)
“The only difference between humans and animals is that one species isn’t afraid of vacuum cleaners.”
I laughed for a long looong time
I got the same fortune cookie twice from two different restaurants at two completely different times. It read:
“You love Chinese food.”
Thanks, tips.
“Busting your fanny is the byproduct of good fortune.”
…Yes really.
“Ideas are like children – the best are your own.”
This fortune becomes very troubling indeed if you like to play that game where you add the words “in bed” to the end of every fortune to make it funnier. Which I used to always do – until receiving the fortune above!
My favorite one was “save your nickles and dimes. It will make cents someday.”
I once got a fortune that read, “Silence is golden–especially at dinnertime from telemarketers.”
I am not kidding. I still have the fortune.
my lamest said: ”buy chu fun’s fortune cookies today, you’ll be lucky!” but the funnniest said ”if you eat ofange chicken and turn orange than will you turn into bejing if you eat beiging beef?”
I always have the good ones, never any funnys…
I got one just the other day that said, “You will have a party.” Thanks so much. Adding “in bed” was slightly amusing, but my main reaction was, “yes, I’m sure that at some point in my life I will probably have a party.” Safest fortune ever.
I got “You will marry a very attractive wife.”
I’m female, and I don’t swing that way.
I once had a fortune cookie that just said “Error” o.0
“Help! I am trapped inside a fortune cookie factory”
Best fortune cookie I’ve ever gotten:
“All the water in the world can’t sink a boat unless it gets inside” (kind of deep and meaningful)
Best fortune cookie my mother has ever gotten:
“Now is the time to make circles with mints – haste no longer”
(I kid you not…she still has it taped to her fridge)
Best fortune cookie fortune EVER:
“Now is the time to let that special someone know how you feel”
- received several years ago by my friend – he called the next day to ask me out on a date. Obviously someone in the fortune cookie factory knew what they were doing, since our wedding anniversary was last week XD
“It’s about time I got out of that cookie.”
Really?
Just last night, we got one that said, “You look pretty.”
But one time my mom got one that was something like, “The answer is the last one on your left.” …
I got a fortune cookie once that said, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”
To be fair, fortune cookies were invented in San Fransisco, so I guess it’s appropriate to have an American colloquialism, but still WTF?
I received one that is still taped to my monitor, it seems appropriate
“A nice cake is waiting for you”
Every day I can’t wait to get home to see if that cake is there yet!
My brother: “Order take-out now, you’ll be hungry soon.”
My daughter doesn’t really like to eat the cookie, so she used to always smash them with her fist while still in the package, then pull out the fortune to read it. The last time she did this was when she got the fortune “Be careful not to be unnecessarily rough.”
I once got an entirely blank fortune cookie. o____o
Once my best friend got one that said “You enjoy pyramids”…we were all a little confused about that one.
i once got – no joke – one that said “beware of cookies bearing fortunes”
i still have the paper.
I got one that said “You would make a good lawyer.”
I’m a lazy, non-confrontational musician with ADD. Not happening.
I once got one that said “Cookie says: You crack me up!” :/
I kept the one that said “it is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness”, though.
best advice from a cookie EVER:
“Don’t panic”
My favorite was one I got once while on a church retreat. We’d been having a huge discussion about Divine Order and such, and everyone was getting the usual fortunes that say things like, “Great happiness is coming your way” and such.
Mine said, “You like participating in competitive sports.”
I don’t.
One of the places I frequented during college only had 5 fortunes that repeated. I forget the other ones, but my favorite was:
“You are magnetic”
I was taking PC & Telecom courses, so I added – `Floppy disks and monitors fear you.`
“Hard words break no bones, fine words butter no parsnips.”
And I’ve never had parsnips… I didn’t think you were supposed to butter them.
“Listen only to the fortune cookie. Disregard all other fortune telling units.”
Totally serious. Might still have it in my photobucket somewhere.
“The destroyer shall ruin a city. Are you ignoring the signs?”
“The rubber bands are heading in the right direction.”
“What is KMS? Keep Mouth Shut, the golden rule.”
From a fortune teller in BeiJing: You swallow too many tears, and the salt collects in your stomach, preventing the growth of trees. Without trees you have no wood, and no resilience against the insults of everyday life.
It sounds very…. believable, I guess, in Chinese, but then in English it loses some of the oomph. Like every child’s fear of eating apple seeds turns out to be why they’re too sensitive in adulthood.
I only consider it good fortune if it has a cookie inside.
Es realmente merecedora la imagen de un EPICUTE!!!
Saludos desde Paraguay!